The recent find of a 200 year old time capsule left by Paul Revere and Sam Adams has left most of the world feeling pretty nostalgic and amazed…I am not one of them. Do I think it’s cool they could find that dirty, old shoe box and restore the pieces inside? Yeah it’s pretty interesting but it left me feeling a little disappointed in our Founding Fathers.
They obviously knew they were a big deal and decided to give us a look into what life was like but out of everything there was going on during that time they chose to leave a newspaper, commonwealth seal, the title page of the colony records, some coins and a old silver plate? Really? I know there wasn’t the instant documentation like we have today but good old Paul Revere had to have picked up some juicy gossip on that midnight ride. You don’t just ride 20 miles in the middle of the night and see no one sneaking around. I mean, come on. Was Martha Washington pissed that Molly Pitcher stole her limelight? What did George really think about being on the $1 bill while good old Benny Franklin got the $100 bill? Imagine the shit everyone talked on John Hancock after he proved to be the ultimate show off at the whole Declaration of Independence thing. These are the things American History needs. If Paul Revere and Sam Adams were true patriots they would have left their uncensored diaries so we could have made a spinoff of the Real Housewives franchise: The Real Founders of The 13 Colonies. What more could America want than grown men gossiping and scheming in tights and wigs? It would have been pure entertainment gold. And Sam, did you not think to include the early logo designs for your beer bottles? Talk about a marketing faux-pas. I just hope if Obama, Putin,Queen Elizabeth and Kim Jung-Un decide to go in on a time capsule they leave whoever finds it the good stuff like an entire record of every tweet they’ve ever tweeted and maybe some of their snapchats….and maybe Queen Elizabeth’s health secrets and the reasoning behind Kim Jung-Un’s hair choice.Disclaimer: I am not dumb enough to think that Sam Adams actually created the company “Sam Adams.” I am also aware that George Washington was not alive when he was put on the dollar bill. These facts were changed for the sake of comedy. That is all.