They say success comes with a price and the same can be said for modern day luxuries. The 21st century brought us electric windows, digital phone screens, the TV guide and the iPod, all of which make so much sense yet make our everyday speech make absolutely no sense. “Hey can you roll down the window?
” Sir, if you’re asking me to push the black button next to me and exert less energy than it took you to ask me to that question, sure I would love to “roll down the window” for you. Considering I haven’t actually taken the energy to crank a window down, let alone seen a manual window since the 90’s when I was five in the backseat of my Mom’s Toyota you’d think a new saying would have caught on by now.
Sure being able to remain up to date on every move your ex makes is great and all but wouldn’t it be nice to actually mean it when you say you’re going to hang up on someone? For some reason “I’m so mad I’m going to press the end button on my touch screen with my pointer finger very hard!” doesn’t have the same effect.
There are times when I’m grateful for the 300+ channels my TV has, like when I’m awake at 4 in the morning and instead of being forced to watch horrible infomercials I can turn to HBO and spend two hours watching a slightly below average movie. Then there are times when there’s nothing good to watch and someone recommends that I “just flip through the channels.” Are you being serious? There are over 300 channels on this TV do you realize how long it would take for me to flip through every channel? If you wanted to give me a valid recommendation you should say, “just check the guide.” And I don’t mean in the 1950’s way when people would pull out a paper copy of the different TV channels.
Finally we have the lovely saying, “you sound like a broken record.” I’ve literally never heard the noise a record makes when it’s broken. The closest I’ve gotten to a record is the Jukeboxes at Johnny Rocket’s…and even those use iPods. If you wanted to relay that my repetitive sound was bothering you, you really should have said, “you sound like AOL dial up.”
I mean really people, it just doesn’t make sense.
