1. Let’s see what LinkedIn has for me today
2.“Congratulate so and so for their new job.” Well isn’t that awesome for them.
3. Ooo that one looks interesting
4. Nevermind it’s in Omaha
5. Why is LinkedIn showing me jobs in Omaha?
6. I don’t even want to work in Omaha
7. I should change that
8. Okay, now I have the right places
9. This’ll be easy
10. And we’re searching
11. Annnd none of these jobs look appealing
12. Ooo I like that one
13. Social Media?
I can do social media14. I mean I spend 5 hours on Facebook stalking the lives of more successful, less deserving people.
15. I’m definitely qualified
16. 5-8 years experience?
17. What is this?
18. Wait, 8 years ago was 2006
19. Was there even social media in 2006?
20. I think I was on Myspace in 2006
21. Does that qualify as 8 years experience?
22. No that definitely doesn’t qualify
23. Okay back to the search page.
24. And I’m scrolling
25. And all of these are boring
26. Social Listening & Insights Consultant, what’s that?
27. I should find out what that is
28. Dear Google what is a Social Listening & Insights Consultant?
29. Identifies and nurtures key online influencers
30. Definitely don’t wanna do that
31. And we’re back to searching
32. Volunteer Social Media Assistant?
33. Really LinkedIn?
34. I mean really? That’s what you’re going to recommend to me?
35. Maybe I will volunteer…it could be a good resume booster
36. haha I’m not gonna volunteer
37. And back to scrolling
38. Oooo this is interesting
39. 1 year experience
40. I have 1 year experience
41. I should apply
42. I’m going to apply
43. And I’ve uploaded my resume
44. And I’ve officially applied
45. I’ll probably get rejected
46. At least it’s experience
47. I hate when parents say that
48. Experience in what?
49. Pressing the apply button?
50. Accepting rejections?
51. At least I was pro-active about my unemployment today
52. I’m gonna watch some Netflix now
53. I wish Netflix binge watching was a career
54. And I need a nap.
