The 21st century may have brought about casual dating, crop-tops to weddings and inappropriate pictures on SnapChat but these three requests are what really make me wonder, “Are you insane?”
“Do you want to hold my baby?”
No. No I do not want to hold your spawn. If I had any interest in holding a baby I’d be sure to have one of my own. If we’re being honest it’s just ridiculous to give someone else the responsibility of making sure your baby doesn’t plummet to its death. I don’t even want the responsibility of holding your iPhone so don’t ask me to hold your baby. Ever. Really, Never.
“Just get me whatever you think I’ll like.”
If you couldn’t pick what drink you wanted for yourself what makes you think I can successfully choose what drink you want? This isn’t The Newlyweds game so I’m not interested in playing the “how well do you know me” game at $8 a drink. If you’re going to make me pick a drink for you I’m going to order you a water on the rocks, get wasted.
“No really you have to try this.”
Well if you insist…no. I know you’re my friend’s newest fling but we will not bond over sharing your drink. We’re at a bar where people are in flannel pajamas and I don’t know you but given who I know you’re romantically involved with, you probably have mono…or some strange, unidentified disease. So feel free to keep that drink to yourself. If you want to bond with me over sharing something…share your credit card number.
Feel free to comment below with other strange requests people have asked you…really, I don’t mind.
